If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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