why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
