she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
