Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
