ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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