i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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