hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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