my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
