p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My feet surprised me
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