I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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