I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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