What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
