me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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