You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
