how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
