He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
