and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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