I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
