i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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