The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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