No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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