you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
