Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
