I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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