dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
