I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
