I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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