the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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