if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
