hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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