OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
