i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
