billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
