Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
