Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He passed out mid-signature
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
