about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
