If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
