Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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