you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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