Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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