I think my fart just growled at me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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