Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
