Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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