Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
