just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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