bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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