My brain says no but my pants say off.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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