jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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