i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
