Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
