So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
