Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Randomize
