Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
