you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
