so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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