Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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