4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
