Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
