fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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