First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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