Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
