so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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