I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize