what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
