If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
