Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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