I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
