She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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