last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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