Sponge bath it is.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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