I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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