Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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