I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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