I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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