I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
