Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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