it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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