i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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