Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
